Hey, kids, it's Midterms Pump-Up time, so put down the study aids, stop Snapchatting your fleekness to ratchet randos or whatever children do these days, chill with your Netflix and tell Felicia bye.
Here's what I know about football this year: The Bears beat the Chiefs in Arrowhead, and I'm going to have to put up with Chiefs fans excited about the Royals. No matter what the Chiefs do this year, no one will give a shit because the second you go to bring it up, they'll be like "I'm still on a baseball high!" I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GREGG, I CAN ALREADY HEAR THE CONVERSATION.
Anyway, here's some things to get you ready to have to talk to a Chiefs fan, or to just make it through your fantasy week.
PS ugh the Bears... Ugh... that last loss was just fuuuuuuuuuuu...
Pump Up Man Song
Deafheaven - "Come Back." They're my favorite band right now and I have to convince myself to drive to Lawrence to see them tonight.
Pump Up Awful Cover song
It takes these guys a full minute to get into the song, and I think they miss the point of the whole thing. Good luck making it through that minute. Also, whoever made this video should not do that.
Pump Up Bonus Track For A Quiet Year
I warned you I'd be extra quiet (despite finally finishing some bad photoshopping), but I defend my sabbatical proposal in two weeks and that should be a pretty big milestone in stress relief. So anyway, here's a bonus song by the best rap group alive. How good? Legally-give-their-albums-away-for-free-but-I'd-drop-25-bucks-to-get-them-on-vinyl-anyway good.
Pump Up Man Drink
Foux du Fa Fa from Solemn Oath Brewery. They just quadrupled their brewing capacity or something so many I'll luck out and they'll start distributing outside of the Chicago area
Pump Up Uncrate Man Product
Snapchat. I used to think this app was for teens to send each other pics of privates, but it turns out it is for adults to send each other pictures of private-shaped produce while they're at the grocery store. Fall gourd season has been pretty busy over on Snapchat.
Pump Up Man Predictions
Here's what I know about football this year: The Bears beat the Chiefs in Arrowhead, and I'm going to have to put up with Chiefs fans excited about the Royals. No matter what the Chiefs do this year, no one will give a shit because the second you go to bring it up, they'll be like "I'm still on a baseball high!" I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GREGG, I CAN ALREADY HEAR THE CONVERSATION.
Anyway, here's some things to get you ready to have to talk to a Chiefs fan, or to just make it through your fantasy week.
PS ugh the Bears... Ugh... that last loss was just fuuuuuuuuuuu...
Pump Up Man Song
Deafheaven - "Come Back." They're my favorite band right now and I have to convince myself to drive to Lawrence to see them tonight.
Pump Up Awful Cover song
It takes these guys a full minute to get into the song, and I think they miss the point of the whole thing. Good luck making it through that minute. Also, whoever made this video should not do that.
Pump Up Bonus Track For A Quiet Year
I warned you I'd be extra quiet (despite finally finishing some bad photoshopping), but I defend my sabbatical proposal in two weeks and that should be a pretty big milestone in stress relief. So anyway, here's a bonus song by the best rap group alive. How good? Legally-give-their-albums-away-for-free-but-I'd-drop-25-bucks-to-get-them-on-vinyl-anyway good.
Pump Up Man Drink
Foux du Fa Fa from Solemn Oath Brewery. They just quadrupled their brewing capacity or something so many I'll luck out and they'll start distributing outside of the Chicago area
Pump Up Uncrate Man Product
The Evo Stainless Steel Tea Bag. Because I'm 12 and this is hilarious to me. If we had a trophy for the loser in this league, I'd like to think it's a hat with a stainless steel tea bag on top.
Pump Up Man App
Pump Up Man Predictions
- Megatron scores 6 more TDs this year and that's it.
- Cleveland over St. Louis in OT due to fan interference via Steamer
- Adrian Peterson beats 3 defenders, then a kid.
- KC beats Pittsburgh after Michael Vick gets mauled on the field by a roaming pack of yellow labs.
- Steven Segall puts out a decent movie this year.
- I watch 20 more videos of Vin Diesel playing D&D
- Cutler does better the rest of the year than any QB we start. Bears still lose most of their games.
- JJ Watt comes to my birthday party to hang out and make me switch insurances.
Pump Down Song That's Good But Will Chill You Out
So that's it. Now I'm relaxed. Good luck with your footballs, guys. I'm gonna go fall asleep to the sounds of grown men hitting each other in fancy pads.
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