The Championship Is Here

In just a couple hours, the points will start pouring in, and this year's BiALeague Champion will soon be crowned with their publicly poor Photoshop job, guaranteeing immortality as the king of Apocalyptic Glory. That happens to be especially important this year, since the Mayans predict you'll actually be THE last and Apocalyptic champion. Just in case that happens, you better make this game worth it,  guys.

So here's the final tale-of-the-tape:

Champaign Batter Blasters (OOHOP)

Despite being punished last year with a league victory, Pan wisely brought back Blood God faith, port-wine stain and all. As if to jinx himself, he put Brandon Marshall in the game. He'll likely get Pan -24 points, because he's Brandon Marshall and that's what he likes to do when it matters. That fucking asshole.

Paris Whores With Sores (PWWS)

When I first saw Oges's team abbreviation, I said out loud "poos," so whenever I think about the whores of Paris, I imagine they're into scatplay. Speaking of scat play, what a bunch of bullshit that Oges is in the final. He doesn't even have a winning record, and he beat the winningest team to get into this game. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised by this bullshit, since dude has Aaron Rodgers on his team. Wisely, though he's starting Eli Manning. Think about the sentence I just said, because I promise it'll be the last time it's ever said in history, by anyone. Especially the Giants.

So Who's Gonna Win This?


Glad you asked. Before I give you the official Commish Prediction, I'd like to give a moment of silence to our official League Corpse, Rob Bironas (RIP).



And now, another for our new Hall of Fame Corpse, Peyton Manning (RIP).




Thanks. 2012 BiALeague Hall of Fame Awards will begin at the conclusion of the BiALeague Silver Bullet/Nextel-Sprint Bowl, served by Los Tres Caminos. Thanks for playing this year.

My prediction: Batter Blasters by 20. I wanted to say Oges, but there's just something about Pan that screams "repeat offender," so I'm guessing he'll be our first back-to-back league champ.

And we end this with a cover that doesn't suck.

Wolfs Blood, indeed.