The Overland Park Bedshitters: A Holiday Message From Your Commissioner

Hey everybody. What a shitty year.
If you're a Bears fan, it was extra horrible. If you played like me and Cam, it was even more god awful.
But hey! Think of all the things we have to be thankful for! First, there's... um.. This is going to be hard. Let's go through a list of shitty things.

• Matt Forte is injured, and Angelo's unreasonable cockfacedness is likely to get him out of Chicago within two years.
• Lance Briggs said he wasn't happy last off-season and then held off on those bitchings. This means they're likely to resurface after next week's game.
• Fuck you, Caleb Hanie. You made my respectable 2-12-1 team look ridiculous when I put my faith in you. 
• Your commissioner is sitting dead-last in the brackets. I realize that commissioners are either corrupt and cheat their way into the playoffs or destined to die a horrible fantasy death, but this is bullshit. I'd call for a full-on lockout against all you ungrateful shits, but head of your player's union, The Ghost of Gene Upshaw himself, didn't make the playoffs, either! You guys are ruthless bastards!
• And Gregg! You're losing the playoffs to someone who went 7-7-1!  HE HAD A TIE! IN FOOTBALL! Who knows maybe Roddy White will have 6 touchdowns tonight and change that. But that means I may have to make an apocalypse photoshop for someone with a non-winning record.
• Speaking of ties, what the fuck, league? Two ties in one season? We're an embarrassment. What do you think this is, Champions League soccer? Honestly, we should be shipped to Europe as punishment.
• Pan, what's your fucking problem?? 227 points in Week 15? Couldn't you have benched your starters in the 4th or something? I heard when the coaches went to shake at the end of the game, Oges pulled a Jim Shwartz.
• And finally, Tim Tebow. Everything about Tim Tebow.

Well, tonight decides for sure who's going to next week's championship game, and I'll be reminding the league of your responsibilities in nominating team MVPs and encouraging you all to air your grievances. More posts coming for the year end festivities.

Sorry, league. Football's failed you this year.