Better Know a Douchebag - Week 6

Buckle your seatbelts and prepared to be stunned... its this weeks... Better Know a Douchebag.

We begin our journey through Douchedom with a very unlikely DOUBLE DOUCHING, and it comes from the a very unlikely source... the NBA. Now its not that the NBA doesn't have its fair share of douches, its just that noone really watches or gives a shit about the NBA anymore, so frankly their douchery goes unnoticed by most, but here at the BKAD offices, we came across this stunning piece of douchery by Commish David Stern.

The NBA has banned a shoe from competition.... Why?






Because it will appearently give the players who wear it and UNFAIR ADVANTAGE!

Thats right, you heard it right, no need to adjust your sets, the NBA has officially came out of its closet and announced what we all suspected all along, its players are a direct product of the highly expensive footwear. For years, I tried to dunk a basketball and I was told it was because I was fat, and didn't try hard enough. I told reassured that the regular old tennis shoes I was wearing were more than adequate in aiding me to the rim and experiencing a slam dunk on a regulation hoop. Now I know the truth... SO DOUCHE to you Commish Stern for making this statement that will now send everyone who can't afford 300 dollar basketball shoes to their rightful spot on the bench so all the rich and priviledged who can afford it can take our starting spots on the team. And DOUBLE DOUCHE to you, shoe companies, for making that possible and lying to us all these years.

"Its gotta be the shoes!" Damn right it is...



Now that I got that out of my system, its time for the honorable mentions for this weeks douchebag of the week.

We start with Jeff Pancake. Not only did Jeff hex Barry, causing him bodily harm, and then massacre his team in FF this week, bringing the undefeated streak to an end, but Jeff is guilty of a much more heinous crime... Jeff didn't go to post game Breakfast with us at Mary Ann's diner.

THE SHAME!


Jeff is seen here with some larger, hairier, douche who goes unnamed... I am pretty sure it was taken at some drunken douchery style toga party.

Either way, you are a douche sir, next time, get your ass up and eat some good food! But sadly, it pains me that I must only give you honorable mention... for there were greater feats of dochery afoot...





ANDY FUCKING RIED! You are back at it again, Andy, and I hadn't even let you off the radar, and here you go again, fucking up the football world and more importantly, fucking up the FANTASY FOOTBALL WORLD!

What has he done now? Andy has stumbled his way into the most dreaded of situations. Quarterback controversy. He has the swift and nimble Michael Vick, who will soon return to action after getting his ribs busted up... ouch. Then there is Kevin Kolb, who was the starter til he sucked and got hurt, thus Vick became the starter, well now Kolb is back in, and is throwing like a rockstar and know Andy Ried has TWO starting QBs... WTF Andy. It is bad enough that Fantasy owners have to deal with the new fad of Running Backs By Commitee, but now you think you can so easily fuck up the QB position too?!?!?!?! Quarterback by Committe has happened. It is here. Analyst on several networks are now saying that with 18 game seasons coming soon, that ALL teams will need not 1, but 2 starting QBs, to help QBs survive whole seasons. For us in FF land, that is a fucking Nightmare and we will all remember where it started... right here, with you Andy Reid.... Damn you....

Damn you more for eluding the biggest douche of the week. Those honors go to none other than...



Dunta Robinson.

Dunta is a very special kind of douche. We begin with the fact that you got fined 50,000 dollars for a helmet to helmet hit with Vincent Jackson in Sunday's game.

Shown here...



What really sets this hit apart, is that you actually injured the wide reciever... shown here..



What makes you even more a douche... is that you actually INJURED YOURSELF on this hit...




God... what a douche.

But what REALLY wins you the award is that not only did you hurt Vincent Jackson, and not only did you get fined more than i make a year for doing it, and not only did you hurt YOURSELF in the process....

but now you threaten the very existance of football itself. The NFL is now considering a new rule that if a defender leads with his helmet, it will be an automatic suspension.

The rule itself doesnt seem bad, almost fair even, until you realize that what this means is that defenders across the league will be too afraid to stick their pads out there and lay a hit on a ball carrier out of the concern of being suspended. The NFL... is going soft(er) than it has already.

and we have you to thank for it, Dunta Robinson. Way to go, douchebag.